mental roadblocks

I have been struggling a lot the past two or three weeks with the mental roadblocks that come with losing weight.

I’m reaching this point where a lot of my clothes are too big on me or fitting me really awkwardly. The problem is that I’m really in between sizes… especially in tops.  I feel really unattractive because of my clothes fitting oddly and that despite losing twenty three pounds, I still struggle to see myself as twenty three pounds lighter when I look in the mirror.  Two nights ago, my mom and I finally went through my closet and pulled out 2 piles of clothes that are too big on me:

That is the pile that I’m going to be selling to a used clothing store.  However, I have a large amount of anxiety about actually getting rid of these clothes.  I constantly fear that what will happen if I gain all my weight back and don’t have these clothes to fall back on. They are like a security blanket that I’m terrified of losing.

I used to not understand how when people lost a decent amount of weight, they couldn’t see how great they looked and why they had all of the same insecurities from when they were heavier.  There is this fear of not only disappointing yourself, but also that you will prove people right that you aren’t meant to be “thin” and eventually gain the weight back.  I’m trying really hard to get past all of these insecurities, but its certainly proving harder than I ever imagined.

However, it is Friday, so maybe I should do a fashion friday post like many blogs do?  Here was the outfit today:

Cardigan: JCrew
Striped Tank: JCrew
Jeans: GAP (always skinny fit)
Necklace: JCrew
Bag: Banana Republic

The yellow cardigan is probably my favorite summer weight one that I own, I just love bright yellow! It really goes with almost any color and makes your outfit so much happier and exciting.

The past few days since finals ended have been filled with work and trying to make money, but on my breaks I did enjoy a little bit of leisure time.

I found the book Something Borrowed in our gigantic bookcase full of books and read it quickly yesterday because I really want to see the movie.  I didn’t even know we owned it, but there are some great advantages to having a mother in publishing who gets free books all the time :)

I also of course found time to bake.  I made my favorite funfetti cupcake recipe and just tinted the frosting pink and used pretty cupcake liners.


I really love the edible pearl decorations, I think they make all baked goods look so much classier.

Well its Friday night, and I’m e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. I’ve been feeling a bit under weather because of all the stress and I think that perhaps the answer is a night home alone by myself.

Have a wonderful Friday <3

How do you deal with stress and insecurities?

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About Emily

musings of a twenty-something.
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6 Responses to mental roadblocks

  1. Katie H says:

    Do you like something borrowed? Loveee that book. Also love the outfit! Very cute and I love how yellow makes it pop!

    I would think it would be hard to let go of older clothes that no longer fit. However, I bet once you get rid of them you will feel a lot lighter :)

  2. Alicia says:

    I agree with what Katie says!! Getting rid of them will be hard, but what an accomplishment! You look wonderful! I love the idea of a fashion friday, I want your outfit!! :)
    <3 miss you!! we need to get together soon!!!

  3. Jen says:

    Emily,
    I love reading your blog when it pops up on my facebook newsfeed. I can definitely understand not wanting to get rid of the larger clothes. Or any clothes. lol. But I tend to get rid of clothes when I’m too big or too small for them whether or not I should. I figure it’s better than having a wardrobe several times larger than you need at a given time. And I love! the outfit. Sooo cute. I’m jealous of all the J. Crew items. Enjoy your free time now that finals are over. :)

  4. I read an article recently about the disparity between the way someone perceives themselves when they lose weight- basically about how the brain adjusts to your new size. You look amazing- you should be so proud of yourself!!

  5. You look great!! I love your outfit J Crew is amazing :)

    While it isn’t too difficult for me to part with the larger clothes, it’s hard for me to buy new ones. There’s always I voice in my head saying that I’ll slip up and they won’t fit and it would have been a huge waste of money.

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