An epiphany.

Last night, I was sitting around on my bed studying physics and couldn’t focus.  The only thought that came to my mind is, “Why am I even bothering with this?”

At that moment in time, me studying physics seemed to be the most obscure idea.  I literally had no clue why I was doing it.  The truth is, physics… biology… everything I’ve been working for the past two years… I hate it.

The only other thought that was running through my head was, “I wish I could be baking cinnamon bread and making almond butter.”

Now, this is not necessarily a common thought when you are a human biology major, and in that moment I realized something… I do not want to be a human biology major. In fact, I want nothing to do with science anymore, I hate it.  I work so hard for mediocre grades, and for what? To go to graduate school for another 2 or 3 years and studying something I’m not passionate about? That is not why you spend thousands of dollars to go to graduate school.

And I realized, that this is my life:

Food is my life. Cooking & Baking are my life.  These are what I have always been the most passionate about in my life. This is what I love.

And at that moment, I knew no matter how hard I ever tried to convince myself again, that nothing in my life would or ever will make me as happy as baking and cooking.

And then of course I freaked out.  I mean, who wouldn’t freak out after realizing that spending three and a half years in school and lots of money on a college education, isn’t what they really want at all.  I took a deep breath, and my mom, my rock and everything that keeps me sane, made me realize I don’t need to be miserable anymore.  She told me, if I really wanted to quit school and pursue what I loved she and my dad would support me 100%.

But, I don’t want to drop out of school, not when I’m so close to being done.

So for now, I’ve decided to finish out my bachelor’s and switch my major to something I enjoy doing so I’m not miserable anymore.  It might not ever get me an amazing paying job, but at least I will be done with my degree by the end of next fall and from there, I can take the steps I need to do what makes me happy.

And that my friends, is going to culinary school.

So for now, I feel happy with this decision.  I’m going to finish college.  I’m going to graduate. And then, I’m going to do what I love.

I’m thinking that this fresh start is going to come with a whole new blog, a new chapter of my life.  This blog was to help me heal, and it really has.  I have changed so much in the past 10 months, anyone who had not seen me in a year would not recognize the person I have become.

So, that is all I have to say for now. I am now going to go eat some of the fresh chocolate chip cookies I just baked instead of studying anatomy and physiology, hahaha.


About Emily

musings of a twenty-something.
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3 Responses to An epiphany.

  1. Alicia says:

    Aww! Emily!! I’m glad you found what you really love! I can’t wait to see where it takes you! (and cookies sound so much better than studying)

  2. Katie H. says:

    Awesome! Good for you 🙂

  3. YAY!! I’m going with you!

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