Last night, I was sitting around on my bed studying physics and couldn’t focus. The only thought that came to my mind is, “Why am I even bothering with this?”
At that moment in time, me studying physics seemed to be the most obscure idea. I literally had no clue why I was doing it. The truth is, physics… biology… everything I’ve been working for the past two years… I hate it.
The only other thought that was running through my head was, “I wish I could be baking cinnamon bread and making almond butter.”
Now, this is not necessarily a common thought when you are a human biology major, and in that moment I realized something… I do not want to be a human biology major. In fact, I want nothing to do with science anymore, I hate it. I work so hard for mediocre grades, and for what? To go to graduate school for another 2 or 3 years and studying something I’m not passionate about? That is not why you spend thousands of dollars to go to graduate school.
And I realized, that this is my life:
Food is my life. Cooking & Baking are my life. These are what I have always been the most passionate about in my life. This is what I love.
And at that moment, I knew no matter how hard I ever tried to convince myself again, that nothing in my life would or ever will make me as happy as baking and cooking.
And then of course I freaked out. I mean, who wouldn’t freak out after realizing that spending three and a half years in school and lots of money on a college education, isn’t what they really want at all. I took a deep breath, and my mom, my rock and everything that keeps me sane, made me realize I don’t need to be miserable anymore. She told me, if I really wanted to quit school and pursue what I loved she and my dad would support me 100%.
But, I don’t want to drop out of school, not when I’m so close to being done.
So for now, I’ve decided to finish out my bachelor’s and switch my major to something I enjoy doing so I’m not miserable anymore. It might not ever get me an amazing paying job, but at least I will be done with my degree by the end of next fall and from there, I can take the steps I need to do what makes me happy.
And that my friends, is going to culinary school.
So for now, I feel happy with this decision. I’m going to finish college. I’m going to graduate. And then, I’m going to do what I love.
I’m thinking that this fresh start is going to come with a whole new blog, a new chapter of my life. This blog was to help me heal, and it really has. I have changed so much in the past 10 months, anyone who had not seen me in a year would not recognize the person I have become.
So, that is all I have to say for now. I am now going to go eat some of the fresh chocolate chip cookies I just baked instead of studying anatomy and physiology, hahaha.