Day 1 –> Something You Hate About Yourself

I initially though day one of the thirty days of truth was going to be easy.

“Something you hate about yourself.”

I immediately started berating myself and attacked physical characteristics I can’t stand, but then realized, that these are all sort of… trivial. I decided to look deeper into my own head and find my “tragic flaw” so to speak.  I came up with a few things that I really don’t like about myself, but ultimately, I really and truly only found one thing about myself that I hate.

I hate that I don’t believe in myself enough.

I think this “flaw” has led me down the path I’m currently on.  I didn’t believe that I was good enough to ever make anything out of going to culinary school so I pushed it out of my thoughts as I made college decisions four years ago.  I believed that it would make me look like I wasn’t intelligent for opting out of the typical four year college experience and going to more of a trade school.  This feel of inadequacy I think was mostly due to guidance counselors who pushed me away from doing any sort of culinary classes (VOTECH) in high school, because I was too “smart” to let my potential go to waste.  I was always pushed by the high school I went to for more academics, more AP classes, more honors classes… and looking back, it wasn’t the right track for me, AT ALL.

My parents of course knew this, but why would they tell me to stop trying to do my best if it was what I told them I wanted?

So here I am, it’s almost 2011, four years after I graduated high school.  It’s really odd isn’t it? How much time goes by before you know it.

In the end, I am trying to learn not to regret my decisions I have made in the past four years.  The truth of the matter is, all of these ups and downs needed to happen for me to realize my passion.  For the longest time, I believed going to FIT my freshman year of college was the worst choice I ever made, but I’m slowly starting to see that it has actually brought a lot of good things to my life.  It brought me a friend who I still keep in contact with and adore.  It made me find my current part-time job, which although I really hate at times, has brought some of the most amazing friends into my life.  Going to school at home I feel like has made me more ready for the “real-world” so to speak.  I’m not going to be stuck in some fantasy land of college, because I was never in one to begin with.

We hate ourselves for so many things, but I think it’s our flaws that teach us how to be better people in life.

I have many flaws, this certainly isn’t my only one, but just one that I tend to feel like holds me back more than the rest.

Do you have a tragic flaw that you feel like holds you back sometimes?


About Emily

musings of a twenty-something.
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5 Responses to Day 1 –> Something You Hate About Yourself

  1. Whitney says:

    It’s really brave of you to share this with us as I’m sure it’s not easy. I’m glad you were able to really uncover your passion and so happy that you can use it as a hobby. I’m sorry, you may have mentioned this in another post, but are you planning on going to culinary school?

    My tragic flaw is my fear or anxiety of people. Or maybe better put, my lack of self confidence that in turn prevents me from being able to get out and socialize more. I always worry too much about what someone might think or if I come across as dumb or strange. It’s pretty ridiculous considering I’m 24 years old and should be past this stage! Oh well, my introverted nature has taught me that I may be more of a minority amongst society, but at least I’m not the only one. It’s funny too because I know deep down these feelings are all made up in my head.

    • Emily says:

      I have serious social anxiety too… around people my own age though. I work in retail so I don’t necessarily have issues with talking to people if its my job, but when I go out to a bar with my friends or I’m just in a big group situation, I have SEVERE anxiety! I know where you’re coming from girly 🙂

      And yes, I do plan on going to culinary school! I have two semesters left of my undergrad degree so I’m hoping to be able to start January 2012 or May 2012 🙂

  2. I hope things work out for you in terms of doing what you want after school. Everything happens for a reason, and you may be surprised by what your life has to offer. Good luck 🙂

  3. Whitney says:

    So glad to hear I’m not the only one and yet, I do feel bad because I know how it feels! Hey, at least we’re not alone!? 😛

    Yay! I’m happy that you are pursuing your passion! You’re going to do great and have so much fun. 🙂

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