I initially though day one of the thirty days of truth was going to be easy.
“Something you hate about yourself.”
I immediately started berating myself and attacked physical characteristics I can’t stand, but then realized, that these are all sort of… trivial. I decided to look deeper into my own head and find my “tragic flaw” so to speak. I came up with a few things that I really don’t like about myself, but ultimately, I really and truly only found one thing about myself that I hate.
I hate that I don’t believe in myself enough.
I think this “flaw” has led me down the path I’m currently on. I didn’t believe that I was good enough to ever make anything out of going to culinary school so I pushed it out of my thoughts as I made college decisions four years ago. I believed that it would make me look like I wasn’t intelligent for opting out of the typical four year college experience and going to more of a trade school. This feel of inadequacy I think was mostly due to guidance counselors who pushed me away from doing any sort of culinary classes (VOTECH) in high school, because I was too “smart” to let my potential go to waste. I was always pushed by the high school I went to for more academics, more AP classes, more honors classes… and looking back, it wasn’t the right track for me, AT ALL.
My parents of course knew this, but why would they tell me to stop trying to do my best if it was what I told them I wanted?
So here I am, it’s almost 2011, four years after I graduated high school. It’s really odd isn’t it? How much time goes by before you know it.
In the end, I am trying to learn not to regret my decisions I have made in the past four years. The truth of the matter is, all of these ups and downs needed to happen for me to realize my passion. For the longest time, I believed going to FIT my freshman year of college was the worst choice I ever made, but I’m slowly starting to see that it has actually brought a lot of good things to my life. It brought me a friend who I still keep in contact with and adore. It made me find my current part-time job, which although I really hate at times, has brought some of the most amazing friends into my life. Going to school at home I feel like has made me more ready for the “real-world” so to speak. I’m not going to be stuck in some fantasy land of college, because I was never in one to begin with.
We hate ourselves for so many things, but I think it’s our flaws that teach us how to be better people in life.
I have many flaws, this certainly isn’t my only one, but just one that I tend to feel like holds me back more than the rest.
Do you have a tragic flaw that you feel like holds you back sometimes?