I am having a quarter life crisis.
While I am beyond thankful and happy to be done with school, I am also completely freaking out that I am not in school for the first time in eighteen years. Today was the first day of classes for the spring semester at UAlbany and I kept thinking that I was accidentally skipping class even though I have graduated and my diploma was mailed to me.
I feel lost and confused. I do not have any idea what I want to do right now. I think I need a major change or maybe just a real job. A part of me is dying to travel, but I have absolutely no money so that seems to be out of the question. I don’t have to stay in Albany and while I adore my friends and parents, I really have no ties keeping me here. No serious job, no boyfriend, no school, why am I still here?
I don’t know.
I do a lot of baking lately. Its the only thing that makes me feel normal. I feel like everyone is watching me and wondering what is my next move. I feel like people watch me and wonder what I’m doing with my life. I feel like I have a post-it on my forehead that I’m some crazy girl with lots of issues that scares people away. I feel like I’m closed off and not capable of allowing myself to be loved by someone. I feel like I don’t have a direction.
Mostly, I just feel confused.
Hence the post-college freak-out I have every day.
However, these moments of crazy do allow me to create something beautiful.
Magnolia Bakery Vanilla Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercream Frosting
yields 24 cupcakes
recipe from Food Network
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1 cup whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and line two muffin tins with baking liners.
In small bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside. In liquid measuring cup, combine vanilla and milk. Set aside.
In a large bowl, cream the butter until smooth. Add the sugar and mix in slowly. Once fully incorporated, beat on medium speed until fluffy (about 3 minutes). Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each one. Add the dry ingredients in three parts alternating with milk and vanilla mixture. Scrape down sides as necessary and do not overbeat the mixture. Evenly distribute batter among the 24 muffin tins, they should each be about ¾ full. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until the cake tester comes out clean.
Cool the cupcakes in tins for about 5 to 10 minutes and then remove to wire rack. Let completely cool before frosting.
Chocolate Buttercream Frosting
2 sticks softened butter
5 cups powdered sugar
¼ cup cocoa powder
¼ to ½ cup room temperature water
1 teaspoon vanilla
Combine cocoa powder and water, it should be liquid and not chunky. In standing electric mixer, combine powdered sugar and butter until just combined. Add in chocolate liquid and vanilla. Start mixing slowly, and once fully incorporated, beat on high until light and fluffy (about 4 to 6 minutes). Pipe as desired.
I need to stop have a post-college crisis.
I think I’ll just go eat cupcakes instead.